Putin’s Legend Grows

It is not a secret that I belong to the Vladimir Putin Admiration Society. I have long chronicled the PiM’s daring and virile pursuits, check it out here. Coming face to face with President Reagan, his nation’s sworn enemy, without flinching might just top anything else that Volodya has accomplished, until now…

Putin’s insatiable drive to unseat Sir Winston Churchill as the greatest Prime Minister of all time has taken him into the cockpit of a firefighting plane. His mission? To battle the raging fires which threaten the Rodina.


“I’m going in, cover me Porkins!”

Using the finely honed accuracy which served him well in his trek to save the Siberian tiger, Putin doused the burning inferno with some earth juice scoring a “direct hit”.

I did not appreciate the AP writer’s attempt to dismiss Putin’s heroism,

The stunt was classic Putin. In past years, he has copiloted a fighter jet, ridden a horse bare-chested in Siberia and descended to the bottom of Lake Baikal in a mini-sub. Just last month he drove a Harley Davidson motorcycle to a biker rally.

Stunt? Stunt?!?! Really? This is who the man is, a man on a quest to cure the world’s ills. To make this world a better place one tank of water at a time, all for the benefit of us the little people.

Shame on you AP journo for your nay saying.

Oh, that these United States had such a figure at the top!

You know if a piece of the Russian coastline suffered the same fate as the Gulf, Putin be the first one down there personally plugging the hole until BP or Lukoil could get their act together and cap it.

Long live Volodya!

No Putin post on this blog ends until I give a shout out to Animotion’s greatest hit

(Photo credit: AP Photo/RIA Novosti, Alexei Nikolsky, Pool)

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Confessions Of An Edward Teamster

Disclaimer: This post is written by someone who has had an unnaturally obsession with the most popular products of George Lucas’ mind and as a result knows more about that ancient and distant galaxy than anyone outside of Skywalker Ranch has any business knowing.

Straight up, I have never read or watched anything from the Twilight franchise. Therefore I am singularly unqualified to critique the merits of said franchise. I do know that the young people eat this stuff up as if the antidote was in it.

Based on the few interactions I’ve had with the Twilight, it seems to be a love story about a whiny vampire and the even whinier heroine who loves him. A saga so shiny and happy that it makes Sylvia Plath’s work read like the complete and unabridged works of Barney the Dinosaur. (right)

But in this story, there is a wrinkle in the form a fellow who doesn’t seem so whiny, a ripped werewolf who in a past life constituted one half of the dynamic duo that was Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

Our whiny heroine can’t decide between the whiny vampire or the heavy-browed werewolf or as this writer put it,

Bella must choose between Ed the Undead and Jake the Pecs, a decision that seems to be, if you think about it, a straightforward choice between necrophilia and bestiality.

And you’ll never see this love story the same way ever again…

Read more of this post

James Cameron to Ask Eywa About Oil Spill

In light of the immensity of the Charlie-Fox that is the Gulf oil spill, with nowhere/no one else to turn to the Feds have asked notable movie director, James Cameron for advice on the best way to um, terminate this titanic mess.

I lost all respect for Herr Cameron after reluctantly watching Titanic. When it came out and people around me were going to the theaters in droves, I steadfastly held out. This stubborn refusal to line Cameron’s pockets lasted for an entire year until one lazy Saturday afternoon when Cinemax ran it and I plopped down in front of the telly and watched.

Needless to say, the movie was everything I thought it would be: a sappy and trite “love” story not worthy of 3 seconds of my life, not to mention the 3 hours or so of it.  For a hilarious take on the Titanic character “Rose” (nauseously played by Kate Winslet) go all the way down the page in the following Camille Paglia op-ed:

Bow-ow-ow: Obama’s painful missteps

So when Cameron’s pantheistic Smurfest, Avatar, came out, I didn’t flock to the IMAX despite entreaties from several people. While I have watched the movie, albeit blasphemously, on DVD and on a non-flatscreen TV (the horror!), I remain one of the Luddites who has not had the life-changing 3D experience. Bah! Humbug!

To me “Pandora” will always be the 80s Mexican pop group (below) and not some idyllic living world which doesn’t take sides but does,

[Photo credit: Salva Vinilos’ Photostream]

While, I fervently hope that Cameron can provide a solution to widening mess in the Gulf, short of him having a queue which links him up to Zonama Sekot Gaia/Eywa, AND he gets her to take sides (like Jake Sully did) I don’t see the director na’vigating the feds, BP or Gulf Coast fisherman out of this mess.

Looking (Baja) California, Feeling Arizona

The political masters of the state of Arizona have recently passed a bill which will permit police officers in that state to check the legal status of “anyone they suspect of being illegal”.

Not only that but it will make it a violation of state law to be in these United States without the proper paperwork.

According to the LA Times,

The bill, known as SB 1070, makes it a misdemeanor to lack proper immigration paperwork in Arizona. It also requires police officers, if they form a “reasonable suspicion” that someone is an illegal immigrant, to determine the person’s immigration status.

A “reasonable suspicion”? What the hell does that entail? Swarthy men wearing frat/sorority shirts? Heavily tanned men sporting trucker hats for what they are and not as fashion statements?

As a public service to the peace officers of the state of Arizona, here are a couple of examples of the type of people they might be wary of,

(Photo credit: greenelent’s Flickr)


(Photo credit: greenelent’s Flickr)

Just out of curiosity, will the police also be allowed to question the people who take care of lawmakers’ kids, mow their lawns and clean their palatial estates?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

To my paperless paisanos living in Arizona, when you see la chota, take Han’s advice and “fly casual”.

Somewhere, Tim LaHaye Raises an O’Doul’s

In the company of John Hagee no doubt.

The following headline merely states what these 2 prophecy savants have been pitching, for great profit (insert joke here), to evangelicals for decades,

Chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth says Devil is in the Vatican

Look, if Father Gabe says the Devil is not in the details but rather in the Holy See so be it. He’s an exorcist so he MUST know. What exorcism has to do with how Jesus or some of His apostles cast out demons in the New Testament I do not know.

One thing is clear, the current Pope… well, just take a look:

On a related note, this week’s great moments in theology brought to you by Hugo Chavez,

Chavez trusts God and nature in power crisis

Never Forget

“Soon we will have revenge.” –Darth Maul

Not trying to piggyback the last post by quoting another George Lucas creation but the Texas-Texas Tech game is tomorrow and it will serve all Longhorns well to stew on the events that transpired the last time these 2 teams met.

If you want video of it you can watch it in this excellent write-up:

Pirate Sundry

While I can’t bring myself to press play on the vid, I can stew by watching a shot of the one-sided Duel of the Fates:

CrabtreeDarren Carroll/SI

Here’s to a dismantling of the Red Raiders tomorrow night before a national audience on ABC.

Hook ’em!

The Jedi Strike Back Against Intolerance

Look, I’m a big Star Wars guy, have been from a very early age.  Watching a group of AT-ATs inexorably march across the frigid plains of Hoth towards the doomed Rebel base left an indelible impression on my young mind.

Over the years, I have contributed to the retirement fund (not to mention the college fund of 2 portly comic store employees) of one George Walton Lucas Jr. in the form of purchases varying from DVDs, cards, PEZ dispensers, figures, posters, puzzles et al.

Yes, like many a Star Wars fan I’ve fantasized about owning a real lightsaber only to be doused repeatedly with the bucket of cold water known as the laws of physics.

I dare say that in some instances, a Jedi mind trick or two would have been nice to have up my sleeve.

Yet, when I first encountered the fact that some kooks in the UK had actually started a religion based on the spiritual ideas of the Jedi, even I thought that was a bit overboard.

What is so weird about a group of people living by the tenets of whatever came out of the head of a USC grad the Jedi Code?  In all honesty, is that much different than upwards of a billion people living by the things that came out of the head of guy from Mecca? Or a few million people living by the machinations of a dude from Vermont?

Worldwide, there are about 500,000 followers of this so-called Jedi Church.

It was only a matter of time before one of the members of this so-called church to pull the “intolerance” card.  It wasn’t just any member of the rank-and-file but the founder, Daniel Jones.  Yes, the  Grand Poo bah himself.

Apparently, Mr. Jones (cue up the Crows) went to a store in the UK in full Jedi regalia (see Obi Wan Kenobi):

Obi Wan Kenobi
Only a Sith deals in absolutes” Guess they didn’t teach logic at the Jedi Temple

Jones was told to remove the hood or leave the store. According to this story,

As a result Jones, who also goes by the Jedi name Morda Hehol, claims he has been ‘victimised over his beliefs’ and left ’emotionally humiliated’ by the supermarket in Bangor, North Wales.

A Tesco spokesperson said,

‘Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all appeared hoodless without ever going over to the Dark Side and we are only aware of the Emperor as one who never removed his hood.

‘If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they’ll miss lots of special offers.’

How good is that? Is the spokesperson insinuating that Jones, like the late Emperor, is a Sith? Now that’s a reason to go, and to sue, which Jones is planning on doing.

Incredible. Why couldn’t Jedi Jones, er Jedi Hehol simply mind trick the cruel and intolerant Tesco employees into letting him keep his hood on?

On a side note, I wonder how long it will be until this so-called church gains a strong foothold here in the States.

What is of more interest is whether or not voices such as these,

Therefore, students should be educated about different religions as early as possible. Wouldn’t it be great if elementary school children were celebrating Eid, Diwali, Chinese New Year, and Hanukah (sic) in addition to Christmas each year in the classroom? They would learn about the traditions and cultures found within each religion and realize that each faith, at the very least, deserves to be respected and tolerated. This knowledge stays with each child so that by the time they reach adulthood, we no longer have misconceptions about basic religious beliefs and practices.

will ask for students to be educated about the Jedi Church? All you have to do is watch Episodes I-VI, right?