Why God Never Got Tenure

This has been hanging in my lab’s bulletin board for the past few years, thought I’d post it here (at the risk of having to bear the shrill cry to “lighten up” I’ve provided some commentary, of course):

  1. He had only major publication
  2. It was in Hebrew (and Aramaic and Greek)
  3. Had no references (doesn’t need ’em, HE IS)
  4. It wasn’t published in a peer-reviewed journal (Of course…)
  5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself (to their own peril)
  6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then? (Deists…)
  7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited
  8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results (“Get your own dirt”, LOL)
  9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects
  10. When one experiment went awry He tried to cover it up by drowning His subjects
  11. When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, He deleted them from the sample
  12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book (not to mention apply the book)
  13. Some say He had His Son teach the class (Well He did…)
  14. He expelled His first 2 students for learning (No, it had to with disobedience)
  15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests (Most? Try all)
  16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop