Move Over Lloyd Christmas

In that great cinematic work, Dumb and Dumber, Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) asked Mike Starr’s character, “Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?” And he proceeded to serenade him with what, at the time, was the most annoying sound in the world. Here’s the clip:

Well, suffice it to say, that sound plays second fiddle to the drone emanating from those ubiquitous South African “stadium horns”, vuvuzelas. That infernal noise was first heard by a worldwide audience during last year’s Confederations’ Cup. They were annoying then, and they are annoying now at the World Cup.

Opinion varies as to whether these horns are “annoying irritants” or “joyful expressions of African culture”, but at the risk of sounding dismissive of other cultures, they simply are annoying and irritating expressions of joyful African culture.

Whether it’s a South African, German or Mexican (below) providing the wind power, the noise produced is equally irritating. So much so that earplugs have become a hot item in South Africa. One might conclude that the vuvuzela was a clever scheme concocted by ear plug vendors, but I digress…

I took this pic after a México win at Reliant Stadium a couple of years ago, a match which proved to be my first exposure to the glorified funnels. As horrible as the noise is, it can’t take away from the beautiful game, especially at an event like the World Cup.

However, it would be a good if somehow Univision or ESPN found a way to filter out the vuvuzela noise, as the BBC is thinking of doing.

Here are a couple of observations from yesterday and today’s action:

  • The Germans have looked the best out of all the teams that have played so far. So effortless do the Krauts look, so crisp and pinpoint their passes are, are they not? They seem to have mastered the troublesome Jabulani (the official match ball), could it be because most of their squad plays in the Bundesliga, which used the Jabulani as its match ball last season?  Things that make you go hmmm…
  • Speaking of ze Germans…  How ’bout that rousing advertisement for globalization that their squad is?  The German National Team, dubbed Die Mannschaft (insert joke here), boasts a naturalized Brazilian, a son of Turkish immigrants, a guy named Gomez (born in Germany, has a Spanish father), 2 naturalized Poles (seems to be a running gag), another guy whose father is Tunisian.  Ol’ Adolf must be turning over in his grave…
  • What is it with Italy allowing headers from Latin American teams at the World Cup?  In ’02 it was México’s Jared Borghetti and today it was Paraguay’s Antolín Alcaraz who did the honors. Like in ’02 against El Tri Italy tied with Paraguay 1-1.
  • ESPN, I know that you learned from the last World Cup and hired good announcers to man your booth but you are still lagging behind Univision’s varsity, Pablo Ramirez and Jésus “El Profe” Bracamontes.  After Italy equalized today, Ramirez sung in Italian.  That is how you do it ESPN.  When a goal is scored don’t call it like it’s a throw-in, call it “with feelin'” as Jon Bon Jovi crooned.

Finally, on a totally unrelated not, you are very welcome Baylor.

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James Cameron to Ask Eywa About Oil Spill

In light of the immensity of the Charlie-Fox that is the Gulf oil spill, with nowhere/no one else to turn to the Feds have asked notable movie director, James Cameron for advice on the best way to um, terminate this titanic mess.

I lost all respect for Herr Cameron after reluctantly watching Titanic. When it came out and people around me were going to the theaters in droves, I steadfastly held out. This stubborn refusal to line Cameron’s pockets lasted for an entire year until one lazy Saturday afternoon when Cinemax ran it and I plopped down in front of the telly and watched.

Needless to say, the movie was everything I thought it would be: a sappy and trite “love” story not worthy of 3 seconds of my life, not to mention the 3 hours or so of it.  For a hilarious take on the Titanic character “Rose” (nauseously played by Kate Winslet) go all the way down the page in the following Camille Paglia op-ed:

Bow-ow-ow: Obama’s painful missteps

So when Cameron’s pantheistic Smurfest, Avatar, came out, I didn’t flock to the IMAX despite entreaties from several people. While I have watched the movie, albeit blasphemously, on DVD and on a non-flatscreen TV (the horror!), I remain one of the Luddites who has not had the life-changing 3D experience. Bah! Humbug!

To me “Pandora” will always be the 80s Mexican pop group (below) and not some idyllic living world which doesn’t take sides but does,

[Photo credit: Salva Vinilos’ Photostream]

While, I fervently hope that Cameron can provide a solution to widening mess in the Gulf, short of him having a queue which links him up to Zonama Sekot Gaia/Eywa, AND he gets her to take sides (like Jake Sully did) I don’t see the director na’vigating the feds, BP or Gulf Coast fisherman out of this mess.

Somewhere, Tim LaHaye Raises an O’Doul’s

In the company of John Hagee no doubt.

The following headline merely states what these 2 prophecy savants have been pitching, for great profit (insert joke here), to evangelicals for decades,

Chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth says Devil is in the Vatican

Look, if Father Gabe says the Devil is not in the details but rather in the Holy See so be it. He’s an exorcist so he MUST know. What exorcism has to do with how Jesus or some of His apostles cast out demons in the New Testament I do not know.

One thing is clear, the current Pope… well, just take a look:

On a related note, this week’s great moments in theology brought to you by Hugo Chavez,

Chavez trusts God and nature in power crisis

Lawsuits Need Sponsors Like the Planet Needs Saving

Why not? NASCAR cars are covered with sponsor stickers. For a cool $15 mill or so you can take the place of honor on the car’s hood.

AIG is paying nearly that much per year so their logo can flit around the pitch on 11 shirts every time Manchester United plays.

It’s high time that lawsuits, bastions of American democracy that they are, also be beneficiaries of lucrative sponsor money.

For example, Erin Brockovich’s suit against Pacific Gas and Electric could have been brought to us by Maidenform or Wonderbra. At least that’s the direction the movie (starring Julia Roberts) seemed to steer us toward.

Photo credit:  © 2000 – Universal Pictures, Inc.

A group of Hurricane Katrina survivors are suing Shell, ExxonMobile, BP and Chevron, among others for emitting greenhouse gases and thus supposedly “helping fuel global warming” and “boosting” said hurricane.

The sponsor for this suit should be the “weather is not climate” crowd who seizes upon every opportunity to point out that a heat wave or a particularly devastating hurricane is the result of anthropogenic global warming.

Yet, when the East Coast experiences severe blizzards and record snowfall, their Orwellian chant, “Weather and climate are not the same thing, two legs bad!” can be heard emanating from the lofty spires of their world of make-believe.

A world replete with flowers and bells and leprechauns. And magic frogs with funny little hats who cavort with Al “the magical man” Gore from Happy Land who lives carbon neutrally in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane.

Can’t have it both ways, hopefully the judge overseeing the Katrina lawsuit recognizes that.

What’s next, Haitians suing the Copenhagen summit for their inaction causing the earthquake that ravaged their nation?

Sgt. Murtaugh joins the 700 Club

I’d like nothing more than to pen a missive against Pat Robertson’s “brilliant analysis”, but as chronicled here, this man is a false prophet and well, the Scripture is clear as to what our response to such people should be: Hit that big ‘ol “Ignore” button.

However, this screed, if it can be called that, is directed at the newest member of the “700 Club”, actor/activist/community organizer (why not?) Danny Glover, below.

The venerable Sgt. Murtaugh swapped deities with Robertson and attributed the Haitian earthquake to the wrath of an righteously angry Mother Nature.

Pact with Gaia

The reason for her anger? Well because of the inability of the Copenhagen summit to act in regards to anthropomorphic global warming, naturally (no pun intended).

You’d think that at least he’d get his “theology” right. Gaia, as I understand the idol, is impersonal and as such, she (or he or it) doesn’t get angry or sad or happy or glad.

Mr. Glover, thoroughly enjoyed your work in the Lethal Weapon series, but when it comes to (“The-planet-has-a-fever”)ology, you should probably leave it to the experts, such as Captain Planet, below showing us what this “fever” has done for his personal wealth.

Diversianity Has its Limits

Vigilantism is not encouraged by most of Western society. Which is odd considering how well movies about vigilantes (i.e. “The Dark Knight”) rake at the box office.

Speaking of Batman, the next story features a boat that looks like something the Caped Crusader might con:

Pictured: The bullet-proof ‘Batmobile’ set to wreak havoc on the Japanese whaling fleets

Who is “The Sea Shepherd Society”? Nothing more than a group of concerned citizens that has waged a jihad (“Now batting for Allah, Gaia!”) against Japanese whalers.

One of the vigilantes activists is none other than Daryl Hannah who I guess is just getting back to her roots (right)?

splash

Whaling is part of Japanese culture. How integral? I don’t know, but who are we to tell them what they can or can’t do in international waters?

Incidents between the “Sea Shepherds” and Japanese whalers in the past have resulted in people getting hurt.

These Hollywood types are really something else. They seem to pontificate about how there is no right and wrong, yet there are plenty of things they seem to find “wrong”. So much so that they take extreme measures to battle whatever they deem as “wrong”, multiculturalism be damned.

Much closer to home, why aren’t they protesting the ritual slaughter of lambs by Muslims and Jews? You wouldn’t need a bulletproof Bat Boat to do it either, but for sure it’d upset the apple cart much more than protesting a distant nation’s customs.

To paraphrase a fictional Politburo member: “Where are the cultural relativists here!?!”

Institutionalized

Believe what you want. These walls are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. After long enough, you get so you depend on ’em. That’s “institutionalized.” — Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding (below)

Red

I’ve never been in prison, but Red’s words can’t be far off the mark. Confinement will have some effect on the confined. Red was referring to humans but I think the same can be said of wild animals who are put in zoos.

A zoo, for all the wonder it generates in children, is nothing more than a prison for our furry, scaly, or feathered friends. Now, I’m not going to go as far as some and suggest that they be outlawed, but last time I visited one, it was depressing.

Check out this vid taken at the National Zoo in Washington D.C.

In the wild, this deer would be lunch for this lioness. Yet, because she’s been fed like a house cat and not allowed to chase live prey, this lioness can’t even put an end to Bambi and thus enjoy her first kill in who knows how long. The deer did eventually die from its wounds, but I doubt that the carcass was fed to the real-life Naala.

You can hear the crowd cheering for the deer but if yours truly had been there, I would have been the only one rooting for the lioness.

About the only thing “wild” that lives on in this lioness is the reluctance to jump into deep water.

Like Brooks, who Red is describing, it’s safe to say this magnificent lioness has been institutionalized.

Here’s the story the vid came from:

Tragic end for the zoo deer who leapt into a lion enclosure