Kobe Bryant Retroactively Owns a Horse

Not in a race track kind of way, but in one-upping a member of the Earth’s equine community.

Everyone remembers “Man vs. Beast” that ridiculous show that Fox aired (insert joke here) where the producers pitted human beings against animals in various competitions.

In a politically incorrect event, 44 little people lost to an elephant. The contest? See who could pull a commercial jet a certain distance in the shortest (no pun intended) time. Here’s a shot of the action:

In another ‘event, a world-class sprinter ran a 100-meter dash against a giraffe and a zebra. (FYI: Beat the giraffe but got smoked by the zebra.)

A couple of years ago, Kobe Bryant jumped over a moving car, here’s the video:

More recently, in Galilee of all places, a horse tried to do the same thing and well epic fail. Here’s the telling shot:

Here is the rest of the story.

Putin Strikes a Centauric Pose

As chronicled here and here, the inimitable Prime Minister of Russia, one Vladimir Putin (all Spanish speakers say “hey-o!”), has a penchant for getting in touch with his masculinity or at least getting photographed in virile poses.

While the things which are emerging as the hallmarks of manhood such as wearing scarves in summer and sporting a perpetual pout might sate the up-and-comers, Putin’s act takes us back to the days Archie and Edith crooned about (“Girls were girls and men were men.”)

Here’s his latest attempt to take manhood back:

Alexsey Druginyn/AFP/Getty Images

Eat your heart out Chiron and Firenze, here comes the P.M.

You can read about his latest adventure here.

One can almost say Putin’s feats of strength are his attempts of shaking the unshakable Spanish translation of his surname.

Leviticus and Its Antiquated Moral Laws

For example,

“Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it.”
— Leviticus 18:23

This is yet another example of those “Middle-Eastern camel-herders” imposing their narrow-minded views on the rest of the human race.

What was it with these meddling people and their obsession with our genitals? Live and let live right? Who are they to tell us anything? I mean Jesus never spoke out against this did He? No, I didn’t think so!

While this line of reasoning might be hoisted up as an adequate and apt response to Leviticus 18:22, I hardly doubt the same reasoning will be applied to the case of a gentleman by the name of Rodell Vereen.

According to this story, Mr. Vereen is accused of the thing which Leviticus 18:23 forbids and if convicted, faces up to 5 years in the clink.

Philip, I mean, Rodell was caught inside the stable by the stable’s owner, Barbara Kenley (below) who by all accounts, agrees wholeheartedly with Leviticus 18:23.

As do all her horse-owning neighbors who informed her that she “should have shot [Vereen]”.

Leaves one to wonder who Kenley and her neighbors think they are. Conjuring up outdated moral codes to impose restraints on first Mr. Vereen, and if we’re not careful, the rest of society. Watch out College Station, they’re coming for you next.

It should surprise no one that this circle of close-minded horse owners all live in South Carolina.

As if you couldn’t tell by the gun…