I’m Just Sipping on Chamomile

Depression is no laughing matter and here is a slide show about the things one should say and not say a loved one who suffers from this disorder.

#10 on the “what not to say” list caught my eye,

Have you tried chamomile tea?

It caught my eye because:

1.  Of the sheer inanity of the suggestion

2.  Chamomile tea, in my small corner of Mexicaness, was touted as the the cure-all for a varied list of ailments.

Paralyzing stomachaches, debilitating headaches, searing chest pains all were said to succumb to the analgesic powers of the brew made from Matricaria recutita.

I can personally attest to its ability to scare away a good stomachache.

This reminds me of Chris Rock’s description of the health plan available to his family growing up:

That’s right. When l was a kid, we didn’t have no insurance. We didn’t have a damn thing.
You had to be damn near dead to see the doctor.

You had to be way past Robitussin.

That’s all we had when l was a kid: Robitussin.

No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it.

”Daddy, l got asthma.”
-”Robitussin.”

”l got cancer.”
-”Robitussin.”

l broke my leg, Daddy poured Robitussin on it. ”Yeah, boy, let that ‘tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that ‘tussin get on down to the bone. The ‘tussin ought to straighten out the bone. lt’s good.”

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Men Lie More Than Women but…

Being in research, I understand that things have to be looked into, checked, double-checked and researched again to get a clear picture of what’s going on in whatever niche of creation we’re looking into. ‘Course, confirming one’s hypothesis doesn’t hurt either.

A study, well a poll, was conducted and its results have recently been revealed.

The aim of the study was to find out which sex lies the most. The poll found that it is men who lie the most. Well, let’s hang a big ol’ “DUH!” on that one. I don’t now who funded the study or how many days/months/years of research went into it but I could have told you that.

In fact, if the people who commissioned the study would have bothered to watch Chris Rock’s 1999 show, “Bigger and Blacker”, he could have told you that, the pertinent excerpt,

Who are the biggest liars, men or women? Men! Women!
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.

Men, we lie all the time.
We lie so much, it’s damn near a language.

lt’s like, to call a man out for lying…is like playing basketball with a retarded kid
and calling him for double dribble….

Men, we lie all the time.

You know what a man’s lie is like?
A man’s lie is like, ”l was at Tony’s house.”
”l’m at Kenny’s house.” That’s a man’s lie.

A women’s lie is like, ”lt’s your baby.”

We’ve all heard that one.

-”lt don’t even look like me.”
-”He’s got your hat.”

Here’s Chris on his way back from Kenny’s house

[Photo credit: Photo Agency]

2050 is the new 2012

Supposedly, 2012 is the year in which the Mayan calendar ends. What some have taken from this is that 2012 will also be the year in which planet Earth becomes, with apologies to Hal Lindsey/Tim Melton (below), “The Late, Great Planet Earth”.


Have you ever seen these 2 men at the same place at the same time?

A movie was even made about this mythical 2012 date, the movie was called, *drum roll please* “2012”.

The fact that Mayans don’t buy into this 2012 hysteria has been cavalierly brushed aside in the name of sensationalistic entertainment.

Perhaps if we ask a certain slice of the American population, the year the world will end is not 2012 but 2050. Why 2050? Because of what this story reports,

White Americans’ majority to end by mid-century

So, I guess the question is, when this shift occurs what will be the consequences, if any, for this nation “under God”?

Since I’m no futurist or gypsy fortune teller, I cannot say but when I read stories like this one or hear caterwauling about how brown people are overrunning this land, I cannot help but hark back to what Chris Rock said at the end of the last millennium:

Man, the white man thinks he’s losing the country. You watch the news: ”We’re losing everything. We’re $#@?&%$ losing. ”Affirmative action, and illegal aliens… and we’re $#@?&%$ losing the country… lf y’all losing, who’s winning?”

Nancy Bearigan Does What Comes Naturally

Apparently it is common in Russia to teach bears how to ice skate and play ice hockey for the spectacle of it all.

Bear

In one particular case, this had fatal consequences for one trainer:

Ice-skating circus bear ‘tears trainer to pieces’ in front of horrified children

When I hear of tragic events such as this one, Chris Rock’s words in response to allegations of Montecore’s (the tiger that nearly killed Roy Horn) insanity come to mind:

That tiger ain’t go crazy; that tiger went tiger! You know when he was really crazy? When he was riding around on a unicycle with a Hitler helmet on!

The same could be applied to the bear that killed its handler. The bear didn’t go nuts, he was nuts when he was pulling off triple toe loops up and down the rink.

Gotta feel bad for the trainer’s family and friends, and the parents of the poor kids, who witnessed the mauling, will be forking over some serious soms to pay for a lifetime of therapy bills.

I still don’t see why the bear had to be put down, he’s only doing what bears do, no?

President Clinton pulls a Jesse Jackson

I believe congratulations are in order for President Clinton. He went over there to North Korea, had a chat with comrade-in-chief Kim Jong Il (below in puppet form)kim jong il and convinced the leader of one of the world’s last worker paradises (another being Cuba) to release 2 American citizens sentenced to 12 years of hard labor for entering North Korea illegally.

Maybe it was Slick Wilie’s chuminess with the regime that allowed him to hop on a bird, land, have some tea and perhaps promise more nuke baking technology in exchange for the 2 women.

Whatever the case maybe, this whole episode reminds me of the time Jesse Jackson went to Yugoslavia to meet with Yugoslav President, Slobodan Milošević. Jackson ended up securing the release of 3 U.S. POWs who were being held hostage by the Milošević regime.

What sticks most in my mind is what comedian par excellence Chris Rock said about Jackson’s trip to the Balkans.

Enjoy…

Jesse’s all right. Jesse went over there, Jesse got them hostages… He went over there with no money, no sweet potato pie. What did Jesse say? Jesse must’ve been, like: ”Do you want the United States to really be mad at you? ‘Give the hostages to me.'”

Sara the Walrus

Here is what Chris Rock said after famous animal trainer, Roy Horn, was mauled by Manticore, one of his white tigers, back in ’03:

That tiger ain’t go crazy; that tiger went tiger! You know when he was really crazy? When he was riding around on a unicycle with a Hitler helmet on!

That line came to mind after seeing this over at the Daily Mail,

APTOPIX Turkey Dolphinarium

(AP Photo/Murad Sezer)

Here’s hoping Sara doesn’t drop her saxophone and go walrus on Sergiy, her trainer.

Here’s the story on Sara,

“I am the trumpet-playing walrus: Flippered friend Sara delights the audience with her people skills”

Philly Fan, Chris Rock has a Question for You…

As most of us know, the Philadelphia Phillies just won their first World Series (since 1980, boo-hoo) and Philly Nation was indubitably psyched, as they should be.  The city, naturally, threw the team a parade to celebrate the championship.  Here is a shot from said parade:

Photo by Clem Murray / Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News Staff Photographer

Take a look at the sign on the right, “We Won”.  To paraphrase Chris Rock, Philly fan, what did you win?