One Simple Way to Save the Planet: Keep It Zipped

Al Gore’s dalliances are not really the American public’s concern. Captain Planet is no longer a high-ranking public “$ervant” so his alleged lack of judgment does not compromise national security in any way. Though, it may have dire global consequences as we will see shortly.

The matter is between him and Tipper, and judging by their split, it looks like she knew something was going on, but that’s between them.

Recently, Portland police released the lurid details of what transpired between a masseuse and the Cassandra of our times.

I won’t go into them here because quite frankly I don’t care about the details, but if you do you can check it out here:

Sex complaint against Gore is detailed, credible

It is interesting that some of the major media players have stayed mostly mum on this. In fact, looking at the front pages of the sites of some of the big boys like ABC, CBS, Huffington Post, CNN and MSNBC this morning, nary a mention of what the police report said.

This is a tired song but it bears repeating, one wonders if Gore had been a GOP fixture, would the masseuse’s report been a major front page news item on these sites? Would the graphic details (a la “wide stance”) been emblazoned for all to see and snicker at?

Of course, but this is the modus operandi of these outlet’s and there’s nothing wrong with that, you’re supposed to take care of your own, especially when they screw up, right? What are chums for? Besides he gave us the “Internets”, right Dubya? Which without, we would have never had “Twitters”, right Barry?


A profit for our time

Make no mistake about it, these outlets (particularly ABC’s GMA) have been beating Mr. Gore’s drum on our planet’s pyrogenic condition for year$ now. They’re not about to undermine the apocalyptic religion that is anthropogenic global warming (and the whole “green” journalism wing$ it has created for them) by reporting on its chief prophet’s extracurricular activities.

Which brings us to an interesting tidbit in the police report. After the alleged encounter between the masseuse and Gore, the woman told her friends about it. Her friends, “liberals like herself”,

…advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

While I’m not going to go as far as Michael Savage and proclaim that “liberalism is a mental disorder” (it’s not), it’s incredulous that her “liberal” friends truly believed that what stands between annihilation and our continuing existence on planet Earth was Al Gore’s reputation as a husband who keeps the 7th commandment.

To quote one of my son’s DVDs, “All I can is, ‘Wow'”

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Green Power Ranger Fights For Jesus Not Al Gore

The phenomenon that was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers came on the scene too late in my life for me to bite into and enjoy its cheesy and goofy goodness. Never understood the concept of the show, though I may or may not have had a thing for the Pink Power Ranger, too bad she only had eyes for the Green Power Ranger.

Speaking of which, the man who played the GPR, Jason David Frank, is an MMA fighter. I’m sure that to Mr. Frank, MMA fighters must seem like chopped liver compared to the giant invertebrates he had to tussle with when with the MMPRs.

Frank is also a Christian and has meshed the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints with his chosen profession. The Houston Chronicle did a piece on him:

Jesus as the ultimate ultimate fighter

I get what he’s trying to do and to some degree it is commendable but resorting to slogans such as “Putting the Jew in jiu jitsu” is unfortunate.

With a nod to another mid 90s staple, Animaniacs, is the message of this karate studio a good idea or bad idea?

Speaking of 90s staples we all know that though the GPR might not fight for Al Gore, these guys would chomp at the bit:

Though I’m sure they’re also wondering why Mr. Gore has been strangely silent about the mess in the Gulf.

Penance

What does penance have to do with a Houston commuter bus? Everything.

You’d think that as a person who commutes daily in one of these bad boys, I’d be exempt from having to prostrate myself before Gaia for sins committed against her.

Wrong. Last week, on the way home, I was one of 2 passengers in one of these buses (they seat 55 passengers). I don’t know what the carbon footprint of such a colossal waste of fuel is (High Priest Al Gore couldn’t be reached) but I’ll utter 250 Hail Gaia’s.

I’ll even throw in an additional 250 for commuting for the wrong reasons. You see, my primary reason for riding the Metro has nothing to do with “saving the planet” and everything to do with saving my aging vehicle and reducing my stress footprint. If this helps “save” the planet, that’s just gravy.

In case you’ve run afoul of Gaia, here is the Hail Gaia so you too can be forgiven for your emissions,

Hail Gaia, who floats in space
Al Gore is with thee.
Verdant art thou for us humans
and verdant are those who recycle
old freezers.
Holy Gaia, Mother of all,
pray for us sinners,
now and when we buy carbon creds.
Amen

Yes, it’s a rendition of an old Catholic prayer but we do it the Vaselines’ way.

Lawsuits Need Sponsors Like the Planet Needs Saving

Why not? NASCAR cars are covered with sponsor stickers. For a cool $15 mill or so you can take the place of honor on the car’s hood.

AIG is paying nearly that much per year so their logo can flit around the pitch on 11 shirts every time Manchester United plays.

It’s high time that lawsuits, bastions of American democracy that they are, also be beneficiaries of lucrative sponsor money.

For example, Erin Brockovich’s suit against Pacific Gas and Electric could have been brought to us by Maidenform or Wonderbra. At least that’s the direction the movie (starring Julia Roberts) seemed to steer us toward.

Photo credit:  © 2000 – Universal Pictures, Inc.

A group of Hurricane Katrina survivors are suing Shell, ExxonMobile, BP and Chevron, among others for emitting greenhouse gases and thus supposedly “helping fuel global warming” and “boosting” said hurricane.

The sponsor for this suit should be the “weather is not climate” crowd who seizes upon every opportunity to point out that a heat wave or a particularly devastating hurricane is the result of anthropogenic global warming.

Yet, when the East Coast experiences severe blizzards and record snowfall, their Orwellian chant, “Weather and climate are not the same thing, two legs bad!” can be heard emanating from the lofty spires of their world of make-believe.

A world replete with flowers and bells and leprechauns. And magic frogs with funny little hats who cavort with Al “the magical man” Gore from Happy Land who lives carbon neutrally in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane.

Can’t have it both ways, hopefully the judge overseeing the Katrina lawsuit recognizes that.

What’s next, Haitians suing the Copenhagen summit for their inaction causing the earthquake that ravaged their nation?

Super Best Friends: “Fill Out Your Census Forms!”


Photo credit: Houston Chronicle

Don’t know what particular faith Sheila Jackson Lee (far left, no pun intended) represents, but then again she doesn’t need any excuse or reason to put herself in front of a camera.

And where is Mother Nature’s rep, Al Gore? Click here for the story.

Sgt. Murtaugh joins the 700 Club

I’d like nothing more than to pen a missive against Pat Robertson’s “brilliant analysis”, but as chronicled here, this man is a false prophet and well, the Scripture is clear as to what our response to such people should be: Hit that big ‘ol “Ignore” button.

However, this screed, if it can be called that, is directed at the newest member of the “700 Club”, actor/activist/community organizer (why not?) Danny Glover, below.

The venerable Sgt. Murtaugh swapped deities with Robertson and attributed the Haitian earthquake to the wrath of an righteously angry Mother Nature.

Pact with Gaia

The reason for her anger? Well because of the inability of the Copenhagen summit to act in regards to anthropomorphic global warming, naturally (no pun intended).

You’d think that at least he’d get his “theology” right. Gaia, as I understand the idol, is impersonal and as such, she (or he or it) doesn’t get angry or sad or happy or glad.

Mr. Glover, thoroughly enjoyed your work in the Lethal Weapon series, but when it comes to (“The-planet-has-a-fever”)ology, you should probably leave it to the experts, such as Captain Planet, below showing us what this “fever” has done for his personal wealth.

La Virgen de Guadalupe on the Can

People have seen the face of Jesus and His mom in a variety of settings. The list of items is diverse but oddly enough stays mostly within culinary confines. Toast, tortillas, and spaghetti are but a few examples.

Oddly enough, some people turn these items into objects of veneration (at best) or worship (at worst). Don’t know what happens once said items succumb to one of nature’s most inexorable forces: mold. Relic, heal thyself, maybe?

Well one “relic” that doesn’t have to worry about mold is a trash can in our lunch area at work. Is it just me or is the object of my native land’s idolatry etched into the plastic?

Virgin Mary in Trash Can
[Photo credit: me]

This post was em, inspired by the following slideshow:

“Religious Sightings”

I like how a crying “Mother Nature” made it into the slideshow. Cue up Mr. Goah, “The planet has a fevah…”

And the only cure is more cowbell!