Sgt. Murtaugh joins the 700 Club

January 15, 2010 Laz 3 comments

I’d like nothing more than to pen a missive against Pat Robertson’s “brilliant analysis”, but as chronicled here, this man is a false prophet and well, the Scripture is clear as to what our response to such people should be: Hit that big ‘ol “Ignore” button.

However, this screed, if it can be called that, is directed at the newest member of the “700 Club”, actor/activist/community organizer (why not?) Danny Glover, below.

The venerable Sgt. Murtaugh swapped deities with Robertson and attributed the Haitian earthquake to the wrath of an righteously angry Mother Nature.

Pact with Gaia

The reason for her anger? Well because of the inability of the Copenhagen summit to act in regards to anthropomorphic global warming, naturally (no pun intended).

You’d think that at least he’d get his “theology” right. Gaia, as I understand the idol, is impersonal and as such, she (or he or it) doesn’t get angry or sad or happy or glad.

Mr. Glover, thoroughly enjoyed your work in the Lethal Weapon series, but when it comes to (“The-planet-has-a-fever”)ology, you should probably leave it to the experts, such as Captain Planet, below showing us what this “fever” has done for his personal wealth.

Frank Costanza Pays Lane Kiffin’s Buyout

January 14, 2010 Laz Leave a comment

I’m not here to lambast former Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin (below on the right), now head man at USC. Tell me who amongst you wouldn’t leave your current gig for a better paying and more prestigious one?


No, that’s not the Crypt Keeper scowling behind Kiffin

Can’t fault the man for leaving UT the Lesser and going to a place with sunnier skies and more teeth per capita than Knoxville, Tennessee.

I can’t even fault him or his staff for luring recruits away from Rocky Top and towards SoCal. Sure UT the Lesser fan is bent out of shape and whining about the unethical nature of Kiffin’s departure and antics. How comical is to watch any SEC fan complain about ethics in anything much less in college football recruiting, but I digress.

No, I’m here to marvel at the mountain of keish it took to buy out Mr. Kiffin’s Tennessee contract: $7.5 million.

Fortunately for SC, it has have plenty of rich alumni who are more than willing to foot that bill. In this particular case, the money man was Lakers owner Jerry Buss (below). Yes, that’s the same man who gave the world the gift of that keeps on giving, Festivus.


“Are you saying you want a piece of me?!?”

If anyone gets a clip of Lane Kiffin attempting to pin his benefactor during the Feats of Strength, please do share.

(Photo Credit: AP)

Thanks for the Memories Colt

January 8, 2010 Laz Leave a comment

For expert analysis of last night’s game go to the following:

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly – Texas 21, Alabama 37

Country music act, Little Texas, had a hit song back in the early 90s titled “What Might Have Been”. Here’s the video in all of its mulleted glory, view at your own risk.

One could say that the song’s title in large part, defines Colt McCoy’s (below, photo credit:  Ralph Barrera, Austin American-Statesman) illustrious career at The University of Texas.

Let’s hop on the DeLorean and travel back to November 11, 2006. Texas, fresh off a national title, is 9-1 and in the driver’s seat of the Big XII South despite starting a redshirt freshman at QB, Colt McCoy. Their only loss came at the hands of #1 Ohio State. They’re in Manhattan, Kansas to take on a mediocre K-State team.

First drive of the game, Texas moves the ball down the field gets close to the goal line. On a 4th and 1, a QB sneak is called, Colt runs it in for the score but suffers a neck stinger knocking him out of the game. In comes true freshman Jevan Snead who performs as well as one can expect.

Colt’s injury more than likely cost the Horns a Big XII title (they lost to KSU then to A&M, opening the way for OU to take the Big XII South) and possibly a shot at a rematch against Ohio State in the National Title Game. Horns end up in the Alamo Bowl, beat Iowa and hope springs eternal for 2007.

Read more…

2050 is the new 2012

December 16, 2009 Laz Leave a comment

Supposedly, 2012 is the year in which the Mayan calendar ends. What some have taken from this is that 2012 will also be the year in which planet Earth becomes, with apologies to Hal Lindsey/Tim Melton (below), “The Late, Great Planet Earth”.


Have you ever seen these 2 men at the same place at the same time?

A movie was even made about this mythical 2012 date, the movie was called, *drum roll please* “2012″.

The fact that Mayans don’t buy into this 2012 hysteria has been cavalierly brushed aside in the name of sensationalistic entertainment.

Perhaps if we ask a certain slice of the American population, the year the world will end is not 2012 but 2050. Why 2050? Because of what this story reports,

White Americans’ majority to end by mid-century

So, I guess the question is, when this shift occurs what will be the consequences, if any, for this nation “under God”?

Since I’m no futurist or gypsy fortune teller, I cannot say but when I read stories like this one or hear caterwauling about how brown people are overrunning this land, I cannot help but hark back to what Chris Rock said at the end of the last millennium:

Man, the white man thinks he’s losing the country. You watch the news: ”We’re losing everything. We’re $#@?&%$ losing. ”Affirmative action, and illegal aliens… and we’re $#@?&%$ losing the country… lf y’all losing, who’s winning?”

Talk to Chuck

December 16, 2009 Laz 4 comments

Unlike Floyd Mayweather Jr., I don’t “keeps a private jet”. However, many of the loudest voices urging the narod to cut down on their ravenous predation of Mother Earth do. For some examples you can check out this article.

Many politicians also don’t shirk away from using G’s to flit around to and fro, all the while pontificating on the need for Joe Six-Pack to reduce his carbon footprint.

It must be noted that the senior Senator from New York, Charles Schumer (below), actually flies commercial. Props to Chuck for keepin’ it real and not succumbing to the temptations of Senatorial life.

However, a recent incident on US Airways might just offer Mr. Schumer a convenient excuse to shun commercial flights and hop on a G from now on: Schumer has a Flight to Forget

Chuckles was quoted as saying, “It’s Harry Reid calling. I guess health care will have to wait until we land.”

Hey at least he didn’t pull the “Do you know who I am?” card.

Houston Makes History

December 12, 2009 Laz 1 comment

The voters of H-town have spoken and their voice has been heard. Annise Parker has emerged victorious from the mayoral runoff election despite the fact that 11-year-old sources were the fulcrums of her TV ads, but I digress. Historical events trump stale cheap shots and differences in spellings.

After Ms. Parker’s triumph, the city of Houston will have a mayor named after a spice. Hey San Fran, Austin and Seattle, what spice are your mayors named after? Ya might wanna take a gander at the… scoreboard. In fact you’ve never had a mayor named Dill Weed, Coriander or Paprika. How regressive of you…

Given H-town voter tendencies, these 5 ladies will own the city of Houston should they ever decide to embark on political careers here in the Spice, er Space City.


Still collecting royalty checks

In more serious news, President Obama was robbed tonight at the Downtown Athletic Club. Mark Ingram? Really, Heisman voters? How many “Beer Summits” has he presided over?

Public Enemy had it wrong, 911 isn’t a joke, Heisman voting is.

Carl Pelini Gets “Jiggy Wit It” in Oslo

December 11, 2009 Laz 1 comment

For those of you who don’t know who Carl Pelini is, he is the defensive coordinator and defensive line coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers. His younger brother, Bo, is the head coach. Yes, this is the dynamic duo who nearly unraveled my Longhorns drive to the national title game with their brilliant defensive game plan and a boy named Suh.

Shortly after the dramatic conclusion of the Big XII championship game, Bo and Carl stormed off the field in disgust over what they perceived was a hose job from the powers-that-be. Click here and here for excellent analysis.

According to this article, the strongest words came from Carl who allegedly said, “You should be ashamed to accept that trophy!” in the direction of the exultant Texas Longhorns who were accepting the Big XII Championship trophy at midfield.

Yesterday, President Barack Obama was in Oslo to accept the Nobel Peace Prize. Many feel that POTUS hasn’t done anything to deserve such high praise, and apparently the Pelini brothers reside in this demographic and made the roadie to Scandinavia to express themselves:

I wonder what the Fresh Prince thought of the Pelinis’ act…

Tebow Wept…

December 5, 2009 Laz 1 comment

In defeat, Tim Tebow is Christ-like,

Someone give this man the Heisman, it should look great flanked by the scalps of Texas OC Greg Davis and Texas OL coach, Mac McWhorther

And finally, the man who prevented BCS chaos with his golden foot, Texas kicker Hunter Lawrence,

Hook ‘em

Moratorium

November 17, 2009 Laz Leave a comment

On using out-of-context Biblical passages or events to bash or deify President Obama.

Enough already.

This might unsettle the throngs of Left Behind devotees, but POTUS is not the rider of the white horse in Rev 6, though Anna (below) might be.


“I can even save Charlie Weis’ job”

Nor is President Obama the rider of a different white horse in Rev 19, I’m looking at you Spike Lee. This does raise the question: If POTUS got inked up, what would he go with?

Psalm 2:1-2?

Diversianity Has its Limits

November 13, 2009 Laz Leave a comment

Vigilantism is not encouraged by most of Western society. Which is odd considering how well movies about vigilantes (i.e. “The Dark Knight”) rake at the box office.

Speaking of Batman, the next story features a boat that looks like something the Caped Crusader might con:

Pictured: The bullet-proof ‘Batmobile’ set to wreak havoc on the Japanese whaling fleets

Who is “The Sea Shepherd Society”? Nothing more than a group of concerned citizens that has waged a jihad (“Now batting for Allah, Gaia!”) against Japanese whalers.

One of the vigilantes activists is none other than Daryl Hannah who I guess is just getting back to her roots (right)?

splash

Whaling is part of Japanese culture. How integral? I don’t know, but who are we to tell them what they can or can’t do in international waters?

Incidents between the “Sea Shepherds” and Japanese whalers in the past have resulted in people getting hurt.

These Hollywood types are really something else. They seem to pontificate about how there is no right and wrong, yet there are plenty of things they seem to find “wrong”. So much so that they take extreme measures to battle whatever they deem as “wrong”, multiculturalism be damned.

Much closer to home, why aren’t they protesting the ritual slaughter of lambs by Muslims and Jews? You wouldn’t need a bulletproof Bat Boat to do it either, but for sure it’d upset the apple cart much more than protesting a distant nation’s customs.

To paraphrase a fictional Politburo member: “Where are the cultural relativists here!?!”